Cottage Country Part Three- Poor Chair...

At my cousin’s cottage, their dinner table is on the main floor. Each person has his or her own chair, as if it were perfectly planned. I guess the cottage gods were on our side the day my aunt and uncle bought it. But anyways, my cousin Michael wanted to play chef. So we went in the basement and got our supplies ready. I was the waitress, Sam and Stephanie were the customers and Michael was the chef. Of course we used fake food, but I would love to see how using real food would’ve turned out. Anyways, Michael was having a lot of fun cooking random food and experimenting with different colours and flavours. Let’s just say, Fillet a la mode with fish eggs and gobstoppers with a side of mayonnaise would NOT go down easy. Okay, so while I sat down my ‘customers’, I noticed that we didn’t have any chairs for them to sit down on. So I went up and got two of the ones from the dining room. We were told MULTIPLE TIMES to make sure to take extra care of the chairs because of we lose one, someone is going to have to sit on the floor. So we continued on with the chairs, sharing witty banter to enhance the experience.

Get it? UN OEUF? ENOUGH? Hohohohohoho…

After Michael brought out their food, Sam decided to add a bit of comedy to the game. Each and every plate of food Michael brought out; Sam got more and more upset. He either told me the food was terrible, or it wasn’t what he wanted. He would talk in this weird fake French accent and went a bit out of control. Apparently it wasn’t enough, so he decided to pick up the chair. And throw it. Across the room. Hard. And he broke it into pieces.

Each and every single on of the legs snapped off. So, being the greatest cousin in the world, we all agreed to not tell their mom. Because we all knew that she would FREAK if she found out. So, Sam thought we just shouldn’t tell her at all. But my wonderful brain decided that it would be more believable that we didn’t do anything if we told her straight away. So we came up with the idea that all that happened, was that Sam was just wiggling around in the chair, and it eventually just snapped. Okay, it wasn’t the BEST story, but it was better than THROWING IT ACROSS THE ROOM. So we went up stairs, and came partially clean about what happened. So everything was going pretty well until Michael decided to add, “That’s not what happened, you threw it across the room!”. Wow. Way. To. Go. Michael. So that’s when it went crazy.

Basically, someone ended up sitting on the floor at dinner that night.

*Hem Hem SAM*

Cottage Country Part 2- The Land of the Civilized Apes

Whenever I meet up with my cousins, Sam and I always used to try to sneak away by ourselves so that we can hang out without any of my younger cousins following us. Although this seemed like a great idea at the time, we eventually realized that it was pretty mean. Well, to be honest Michael and Stephanie would always tell on us or whatever so we eventually stopped. Okay, well that lasted until we went to my cousin’s cottage for a weekend. When we got there, Sam and Stephanie introduced me to The Land of the Civilized Apes (which was basically our super top secret official club that we made). Because come on, I didn't chose the thug life, the thug life chose me.

So I made my I.D card and they began to explain what the actual point of this club was. We have meetings every day and talk about whatever we want and basically map out what the day is going to be like. So, if we ever want to make meetings randomly, you need to use the kappa code. Oozma Kappa (very original, right?) is when you have a meeting with everyone in it. Gender Kappa is only one gender, Sibling Kappa is siblings together, Older Kappa is only the older kids and Younger Kappa is only the younger kids. So just to wrap things up, basically:

(Unicorns are just way too fabulous to be left out of this post.)

So at first, you may see this as a harmless game, right? Wrong. In our sticky little fingers, we took advantage of it and kinda went out of control. So as I said, I used to always ignore Stephanie and talk to Sam instead. But the way I see it, is that with this immense power I could actually just talk to Sam without getting in trouble, with THE OLDER KAPPA (Insert angel noises here)! So Sam and I would organize older Kappas all the time. It would get Stephanie so upset that she tried to retaliate by using Kappas against us. She at first tried Younger Kappas so that we were left out, but that backfired when she realized that she would just have to entertain Michael. Plus, she would have to listen to him sing the fartpoo song (will explain in a separate post).

So, she eventually found a loophole. She called Sibling Kappas so that it was just she and Sam. So then I would call Older Kappas and so on. Since Sam wanted to hang out with me too, we would eventually run into the shuffleboard room so that we ‘couldn’t hear’ Stephanie.

WHAAATTTTT?? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Then we would hide somewhere and she would tell on us. Although, it wasn’t very effective. If my aunt ever told us to stop, Stephanie would actually tell her that Kappas are too official to go against. She just wanted to make sure that her mom knew about what was going on. So than this would go on for hours until Michael came in and wanted to play house.

Cottage Country- Or should I say, Chicken Country

My cousins just recently got a cottage, so we decided to go with them one week. Let’s just put this out there, my cousins are pretty crazy. But don’t get me wrong they’re AWESOME. And by crazy, I mean like a good crazy.

But anyways, every time I see them I have a lot of fun. So, I was really looking forward to this trip. In order to spend more time with them, I thought it was a good idea to go in their car while we were driving. This way, I’ll be able to get the most out of our vacation. And plus, they have a TV. IN THEIR CAR. I used to have one in mine but of course we had to get a new car. 

Look at how heartbroken I am!

Anyways, while we were driving, my second youngest cousin, Michael, was getting a bit reckless. But honestly, I don’t blame him. It is a WHOLE THREE HOURS. Anyways, it was starting to get intense in the car, so Michael was starting to ask some weird questions. But, that’s pretty normal for him. The only thing that surprised us was this. He wanted to play family. Which was pretty generic, until he added a bit more detail. “Sam will be the daddy, Lauren (me) will be the mommy, Stephanie will be the daughter, and I’ll be the pet chicken!” That’s what he told us. The pet chicken. 

PET CHICKEN. 

PET CHICKEN. 

Yeah, just let that sink. Which is why we all bursted into laughter.

So to keep Michael happy, we told him we would play once we get to the cottage. So like any great cousin, I held up my end of the deal. When we went downstairs to play this twisted game of house, Michael broke out into mad chicken dance. I couldn’t stand how he managed to jerk his head and shake his hips in order to be a mighty fine chicken. He was actually pretty spot on.

One of the best parts of this entire shenanigan was when it was ‘time to sleep’. So I was on the couch, and Michael began to jerk towards me, making a chicken noise. Which made my cousins join him in max hip swinging madness. So, then I joined.